


Hold On (even the darkness must pass)

by dancer4813



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A 'What if' if you will, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotp, Light in the darkness, Not Canon Compliant At All, Spoilers for Episode 102, Tal'dorei Campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11353287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancer4813/pseuds/dancer4813
Summary: Written for an anon who pointed out how, for them, Samwise Gamgee's speech in the Two Towers correlated strongly with how episode 102 ended."You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: "Shut the book now, dad; we don't want to read any more."~JRR Tolkien, Frodo Baggins, The Two TowersWhere another pair of friends finds comfort in each other when things seem at their darkest.





	Hold On (even the darkness must pass)

**Author's Note:**

> The anon prompted the speech from the movie, though the line in the summary above comes from Frodo's response to Sam's speech in the book. I would highly recommend listening to the speech in question, even if you've never seen the Lord of the Rings movies, and you can find it on YouTube [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6C8SX0mWP0). 
> 
> May we all have strength before tonight's episode, #103.

At the edge of their camp, Percy stood. 

It was relatively quiet in the Feywild, much more so than it had been the last time they were there. It was almost as if their surroundings were reflecting the mood of the group - downtrodden and exhausted.

Vex had already split the dusk with a scream to the heavens after seeing her brother’s armor in Scanlan’s arms. They’d all tried soothing her – Keyleth had even mentioned a spell that would bring him back, though she had seemed just as wrecked as Vex – but Vex had been inconsolable and had flown off on her broom into the woods around them.

Keyleth had immediately shifted into Minxie and run after her, Grog following, leaving Pike, Scanlan, Percy, and Delilah’s body in the clearing at the water’s edge.

Percy remembered firing shots into Delilah’s corpse, remembered Pike pulling him away from it, Pike telling him that she’d keep watch.

He’d wanted to tinker, wanted to fix his guns, but he honestly couldn’t find the energy.

He had fulfilled his promise to his sister. When they could, they would desecrate her body further, they would make it impossible for her to come back, at least, to the best of their abilities.

But they were stuck in the Feywild, at least until they rested.

So he stood at the water’s edge, surveying its depths, trying to remember what they Feywild had looked like a year before – if it was coming for the second time or his state of mind that meant he no longer noticed the vibrancy of the colors.

Percy looked up at the sound of heavy footfalls, and saw Grog returning to their camp, just behind Vex and Trinket. As they got closer, Percy could see the tear tracks on Vex’s face and the way her fingers were tightly curled into Trinket’s fur.

She glanced up at him, and Percy tilted his head slightly, holding out a hand in invitation. Slowly, as if she were in a daze, she nodded, and headed toward him, Grog crossing the clearing to where Pike and Scanlan were sitting.

“What can I do?” Percy asked, once she got close enough. When she stared at him, uncomprehending, for a moment, he tried again. “Is there anything you need?”

Vex bit her lip and dropped her gaze. She looked beaten, like she hadn’t slept in days, and Percy wanted nothing more than to restore her brother to her in that moment.

“I could probably use some water,” Vex mumbled with a shrug, curling into herself, and into Trinket, who moaned quietly, swinging his head around to look at her.

Percy took his own waterskin and held it out to her, low enough for her to see it, and she took it slowly, with murmured thanks.

After a couple of sips in silence, Vex spoke.

“I shouted at her, at the Raven Queen,” she said, chuckling. “I was so angry, and so… I yelled at a goddess.”

“I think it might be warranted.”

“Mmmm,” Vex hummed, staring at the waterskin for a long moment before bringing it back up to her lips. “But it didn’t help. Nothing’s changed.”

Percy opened his mouth, trying to find some reassurance, but he had none. He stepped forward instead, reaching out an arm to put around her shoulders, but she pulled back from him, recoiling as if he had burned her by his proximity.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispered, knuckles white around the waterskin. “I just- right now… Right now I can’t.”

Vex looked up at him, as if to beg him to understand, to not ask questions, and though his heart broke, he nodded. He understood all too well.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” he murmured instead, and he saw Vex’s eyes fill with tears as she nodded.

For a moment he thought she might say something else, but Vex pulled at Trinket’s fur and the two of them went off toward the ruins near Nala’s pool, and Percy was left watching them walk away, feeling a heavy weight on his shoulders.

It was then that Keyleth, as Minxie, started to approach, and Percy saw that she’d been lingering at the edge of the tree line while he talked to Vex. He waited while she came to him, pushing her considerable weight against his right leg, before she chuffed, tossing her head slightly. Percy knelt, resting a hand on top of her head, gently, and she pushed up into his touch, ducking under his arm and pushing her face close to his, whining.

“I know, I know,” Percy murmured, scratching the fur behind her ears as he started to tear up for the first time since leaving the Shadowfell. “I know.”

She butted her head against his chest and Percy sat down, still running his fingers through her fur. Keyleth chuffed her thanks, and she walked up to him, shoulders loping. Letting herself sink to the ground, she pressed her head into his thigh and sighed, the rest of her body going limp while her ears went back, almost lying flat on her head.

Percy didn’t say anything else, giving Keyleth the only comfort he could.

They sat together for a long while, long enough for Percy’s legs to go numb, tingling slightly, and for Grog to go out into the forest and come back with some already-dead wood for a fire. Vex and Trinket were still by the ruins, Vex curled against Trinket’s side. She appeared to be sleeping, and Percy hoped she’d be able to get at least a little rest.

It was after another long stretch, the only noises around them the rustling of plant life in the wind, or a faint splash or gurgle from the pool they sat near, that Keyleth dropped Minxie form, shifting to her usual half-elf stature, though her head was still pillowed on Percy’s thigh.

He stopped stroking her fur as she changed, but trailed his fingers through her short hair for a moment, resting them on her shoulder as he finished.

Keyleth sighed, long and deep, and her breath caught when she tried to inhale again. Percy ran his thumb gently over her shoulder as she had done for him several times, and her fingers came up to meet his as she pushed her face into his leg, squeezing his hand tightly as she took a hold of it.

He didn’t realize until he felt dampness seeping through, that Keyleth was crying.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear. “This spell – it’s called True Resurrection – it doesn’t even need a ritual if performed right. It should just bring someone back.”

Her breath caught again, and he held her hand tightly, trying to give her some modicum of strength.

“I just-“

She cut herself off, pulling his hand closer to her chest, and she sniffed. “I can’t do this, Percy.”

Watching her for a moment, Percy hummed in agreement, looking out over the picturesque pool they found themselves at, remembering the wonder he’d felt on their first visit – the myriad sketches he’d started before getting blinded by Nala and the seemingly hundreds he had finished before they left.

“I know,” he said finally, brushing his thumb over her fingers. “It all feels wrong.”

He remembered when Vex had fallen to his stupidity in the tomb of the Raven Queen’s champion. The devastation he’d felt seeing her, lying there, thinking she was gone forever.

“I mean, we shouldn’t even have made it this far,” he said, thinking of each of his party members and how they’d fallen. Even Keyleth, to the cliff’s rocks as a goldfish. “But we have.”

He closed his eyes, imagining the foes they’d fought, the battles they’d won side-by-side. Percy remembered when the Chroma Conclave had attacked Emon, and thinking that was the worst things could get.

“It’s like in stories,” he murmured, still holding her hand as he remembered their first glimpse of the Shadowfell, of the tower and the ruins surrounding it. “The ones that matter, that people always tell.”

He remembered his mother teaching him how to read at a young age, how to string sentences together.

“They were always full of darkness, full of despair and danger, and more often than not you wouldn’t want to keep listening, because how could things get better? How could the end be happy?

“You wondered how things could ever go back to the way they were.”

Keyleth’s breath hitched again. Percy squeezed her fingers, and pulled her closer.

Thoughts of Whitestone came to his mind – seeing the streets filled with undead and mists and terror. He remembered the darkness that hung over his city, filling it like the plague. But he remembered how Whitestone had looked before they left for Ank’harel. The Sun Tree, branches green and starting to flower, the fields rich and green and full of life…

“At the end of the day,” he murmured, glancing over to where Delilah’s body sat, near Scanlan, “The shadows pass, the darkness flees – sometimes inexplicably. New life comes, and a new day.”

 _A new tomorrow_ , his mind supplies, remembering the card reader in Ank’harel, and a sunrise over the ruins of Draconia as Keyleth’s ritual brought fertile soil to the land again.

“And when the sun shines again, it shines all the clearer,” Percy murmured, voice growing thick.

“Those were the sort of stories that stick with you; the ones that meant something, even when you might have felt too young to understand.

“But… I think I understand them now,” Percy said, and he looked around to his friends, to their still-standing forms, broken but not defeated.

“The heroes in those stories, they had plenty of chances to turn back. Plenty of chances to say “fuck it”, but they didn’t. Because they always had something to hold onto.”

Keyleth turned to her back, looking up at him, and he saw the red in her eyes, saw the wetness on her cheeks and the pain in her that seemed a deeper reflection of his own.

“And what are we supposed to hold onto?” Keyleth asked him, her voice trembling.

“That there’s some good left in this world,” he replied, almost surprised by his own confidence, and how strongly he believed his own words. “And that it’s worth fighting for.”

Keyleth stared at him for a moment, eyes bright, and then she pushed herself up to sit next to him, pulling her hand from his so she could throw her arms around him in a hug.

He held her, on the springy grass next to a glimmering pool in the Feywild, beneath an eternal dusk. And while he didn’t have any more to say, he held her close, waiting for her sobs to taper out, and somehow, inexplicably, knew that they were going to make it through.

**Author's Note:**

> So I only sobbed a little bit while writing this, but I have a lot of feelings about the growth Percy's had - changing from being as pessimistic as he was to finding a bit more light in the universe. This is totally not canon-compliant (or at least it won't be after 103 airs), but I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> If you want to see me write and recommend fanfics, or watch me cry during/spaz out over CR episodes, check out my main tumblr: [dancer4813](http://www.dancer4813.tumblr.com), or my writing tumblr: [dancerwrites](http://www.dancerwrites.tumblr.com).


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